Learn How To Drive That Thing

Dear Fucktard in the Escalade:

If you are going to insist on driving a gigantic truck, you need to actually learn how to drive it.

We all know the trick, when you make a left turn during rush hour you pull out to the dummy lane and wait for space. I know. I do it too. Except you know what? I actually know how to drive.

When you kinda pull into the dummy lane, with the whole ass-end of your stupid truck hanging out into oncoming traffic, you are not "sneaking" across the street. You are just really fucking pissing me off.

And you know what else? As absofuckinglutely stupid as it is to drive those big-ass SUVs, it ain't rocket surgery. On occasion, I drive the FU-350. In fact, I drove that mother fucker all the way to Florida and back. And the most amazing fucking thing? The entire 36 hours that I was on the road I did not ONCE take up three fucking lanes, you moronic piece of shit. I can even back that fucker up with a trailer on it.

So, either learn to drive your tank, or you shant be allowed to venture out of your neighborhood. I will take away your keys. And then I will use said keys to dig your eyes out of your stupid fucking head.

Asswipe.

Sincerely,

The Lady in the Normal Sized Car Who Had an Embolism in Front of Your Urban Assault Vehicle at 8 AM This Morning