Juvenile Delinquents

Dear Future Guests of the State:

Do you think I am afraid of you?

You are a 14 year old douchebag who thinks its funny to lean on my car while it is parked in the street and not move when I go out to leave for work.

Don't you understand who you are dealing with? I will tear your arm off and beat you to death with the wet end. Clearly, young gentlemen, you do not understand the rage that can be contained within the diminutive form of a single, childless woman in her mid-thirties who is currently experiencing some hormonal "issues."

Don't you understand that if you fuck with me, there is a good likliehood that I will simply tear your throat out with my teeth?

And the look you gave me when I drove away and smacked your moronic head with the rearview mirror because you are TOO STUPID TO STEP AWAY YOU FUCKING DOUCHE only served to fertilize my rage and that look, combined with the hormones already running through my blood stream, immediately gave me the ability to incinerate your stupid form with merely a glance.

But I won't do that. Instead, I will stand on my porch and try and muffle my hysterical giggles as the cops tackle you in my yard (again) because they come when I call.

Profiling is a bitch.

Enjoy that state-sponsored vacation.

Sincerely,

The Evil Bitch Who Never Gives Out Halloween Candy and Doesn't Like Assholes on Her Lawn