Dear Unknown Caller

Or shall I just refer to you as "Chad", since you were stupid enough to give me your name when you started your sales call. News-flash for you Chad, there really is no such monster as privacy anymore. When you call someplace, even a business with rollover phone numbers, all it takes is a quick dial of *57 to trace your blocked call and start a complaint against your company. In fact, once I told Julie at the Annoyance Call Reporting Center what you had said to me, she was more than happy to tell me the trace results, start the complaint AND connect me to the local Police Department to file a report against your company for "Obscene and/or Threatening Phone Harassment". I'm guessing with you as an employee there are many, many such complaints against your company.

Word to the wise you stupid little man, the way you treat others is exactly why you are busting your ass -- with little to no positive results, I'm sure -- and still stuck in a low-paying, futureless job. You're probably living in your parents house and still single too, right? Don't bother to answer. We both know I'm right.

Chad, I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Hang out with your friends, toss back a few drinks, and be sure to brag to them about how cool you were on the phone doing your cold-calls last Friday. Make sure you tell them how exceptionally witty you were when speaking to me. I want your call to me to be the one that stands out the most in your pitiful pontification of business skills and wit when dealing with someone whom you wrongly assume is "just a secretary" and too stupid to track you down. I want you to remember me Chad. Especially on Monday when the official complaint, naming you as the offender in question, is delivered to your company by the Sheriff's Department.

I'm guessing Monday will also be the day you file for unemployment. Again.

Happy Holidays Chad,
From the Woman who will never, ever, have your small penis in my mouth. No matter how pretty you ask.