Your ass crack. Under any circumstances. Get a belt. Get a longer shirt. Get pants that fit. Wear a friggin' cape. COVER IT UP - BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. Duct tape. Surgically implant Velcro on your lower back and then on the waistband of all your pants/shorts/skirts.
I'm giving you fair warning right now, you know who you are...if I see it again...I'm going to mercilessly mock and embarrass you. I will point. I will snicker. I will make a SCENE. I will yell, "I CAN SEE YOUR ASS CRACK! EW! IS THAT POO? DID YOU SHIT UP YOUR BACK?"
And while we're on the topic, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FLABBY MUFFIN TOP OF A BELLY EITHER. Cover that chub up. Unless you're 2 or you've got abs like Gwen Stefanni give us a break. If you need to stretch and you know your milky white Pooh-bear belly is going to be exposed, here's an idea...go somewhere private. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT come over to my desk to do your yoga moves while you blab about nothing. I can't hear you anyway, because I'm too busy trying not to throw up.
Sincerely,
Ms. Yougottabefuckinkiddingme
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3 comments:
Bless you. Really.
signed,
Our Lady of La Grange
Bwahahaha! The whale tail is not cute on anyone, much less an actual whale. You are teh awesome!
A cape sounds like a fantastic solution. Fashionable, yet functional.
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